So drunk its hurt
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
COCAINE IS GR8
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
