I think i peed on brittanys purse
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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