Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize