Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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