I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
