she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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