sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
