I've blown a few things in my day
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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