if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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