it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
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