Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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