I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
