my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
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