I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
