Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
