How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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