im holly from the hills drunk
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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