There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
