My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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