Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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