That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
