It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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