batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
