it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
