I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
