all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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