you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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