Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
