Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
