Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
