Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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