I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
