is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
