a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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