we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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