No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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