It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
