I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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