I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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