matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just found puke in my bra..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
