Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
