Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
