I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
