I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
