i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize