i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
