he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
