she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
