The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
