Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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