he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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