After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
