pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
being pregnant is like rehab
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
wow bdsm is so cute
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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