After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My liver just had a heart attack.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
