if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
