The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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