i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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