this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
