Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
