Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
