I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize