what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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