i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize