Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
