i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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