what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
