Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
