My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
where are my eyebrows?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
