you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
