I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
