A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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