I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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