I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
