Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands

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(613): View more from Ontario

so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..

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(314): View more from Missouri

The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.

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(317): View more from Indiana

HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.

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(417): View more from Missouri

THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married

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(216): View more from Ohio

Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy

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