Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
