If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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