drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
