HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
