Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
