Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Send help, water and tortillas.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize