My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I want to be your penis for a week.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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