carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
