cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
