I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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