i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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