ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
