The maid of honor just puked.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
