Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
