think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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